girl crushing.

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When I blogged in the past I held back a lot, in terms of me not sharing too many details about Brendan’s life. Even though he was younger, I still always questioned if the content I posted would be something that would embarrass him in the future and because of that I withheld a lot of personal aspects of our lives. However, I on the other hand, am an open book, nothing in the world embarrasses me anymore. I’ve been through so much in life that nothing really even phases me at all. Nothing is never as bad as it seems in the moment, so there is very little I dwell on. I am very quick to move on.

My blogs were never super popular by any means at all, but I did comment on a couple of other blogs and I would participate in link-ups. I still participate in a link-up but I waited until the very end of the day to link back to my blog so that the possibility of someone viewing my blog was slim and even if they did view it, they would only read that one post. More than likely, they wouldn’t go back and read my posts from the past. I also used to, a lot of times, post links to my blog entries on Facebook, so a lot of my family and friends read it as well…and my Instagram account had a link to my blog in the bio.

Although, now less than a handful of people have access to my blog or know that I even have a blog. Therefore, I enjoy writing so much more because I don’t feel like I have to hold back as much. I still tell Brendan what I post on here and honestly he could care less. His thought is that as long as none of his friends can see it, he doesn’t have any concern with it at all. I wouldn’t mind if my family read my posts (because they already know the story of my life anyway) and I also wouldn’t care if a couple of people that I trust in real life read it. And I do have a few blogs that I would love to comment on, so if they read my blog, I would not care at all. It’s not even like my blog is super special, by ANY truth but it’s our life and Brendan is twelve now and even though he doesn’t mind, I still respect him and don’t want his life blasted all over WordPress. Yet, I want a place to go years from now to look back on our memories, but still, there is a fine line between appropriate and not appropriate. If Brendan was ever struggling with something incredibly personal, you better believe that those details would never grace my blog.

I had absolutely NO intention of turning this post into one about blog privacy or whatever but that’s what it lead into. I had intentions of just writing about an event that happened today, one that I knew I would one day forget the details of if I didn’t document them. So, that’s where I am at now. By now, it’s no secret that Brendan is girl crazy, girls are on his mind all.of.the.time, all day. I allow Brendan to have an Instagram account and that is the only form of social media that he is allowed to have. I have his username and his password, so if I ever need to look at anything suspicious, I have access to it. I like that he has an Instagram account because that is about the only outlet he has to keeping in contact with his friends from his old school, Christ School. He went to Christ from pre-k up until 5th grade (that school only goes up to grade 5). Our family loved, loved, loved, Christ School and we were sad when he left. Needless to say, he made quite a few friends there, so I’m glad that he can still keep in contact with a lot of them thru Instagram.

However, a couple of days ago, a girl named Celina sent Brendan a follow request on his Instagram. Celina does not go to Brendan school, but she is in sixth grade like he is. Like things were when I was growing up, we didn’t have to go to the same school as someone to know who they were. Somehow kids of the same age just intertwine somehow. From the start, Celina “liked” every single one of Brendan s pictures on Instagram and Brendan’s heart just skipped beats over that. Well, tonight Celina went even more crazy over my boy! He went to a wrestling banquet with his dad’s side of the family and came (literally) running and screaming into the house, asking me to give him my phone immediately so that he could sign onto Instagram. Brendan then spent an hour texting her on Instagram!

For the most part they were just casually talking back and forth, but at one point Celina told Brendan that she liked him and he reciprocated by telling her that he liked her. And then the next thing I know, she is telling Brendan that she LOVED him! I told Brendan that if it was his goal to give me a heart attack today, then I was well on my way! I was literally freaking out, especially when I found out that Brendan asked her if she wanted to meet up somewhere. Celina’s response was so funny, she said, “I am not allowed to date yet but we can be girlfriend and boyfriend on the phone and on Instagram”, I thought I would die laughing when Brendan told me that. She also told him not to call her tonight because she was supposed to be asleep and not on her phone, ha!

I can’t think of anything else in particular that they said to each other that stood out. Oh…but Brendan did tell my mom that they were going to be girlfriend and boyfriend on the phone until they were thirteen and fourteen years old and could meet up. I truly thought that I was going to spit my Kool-Aid out of my mouth when he said that! I am happy that they are just talking via phone on Instagram right now instead of him begging to hang out with her in real life. However, even if that were the case, Brendan would still NOT be getting dropped off any place alone, me or either someone else in his family would be tagging alone as well.

I know that Brendan will have relationships in the future. Celina is not the first girl that Brendan has liked and it will not be the last, however, she IS the first girl that has told Brendan that she loved him. Even though neither one of them even know what love is, it almost breaks my heart that Brendan has entered into this stage in his life because I know that he is going to get his heart broken. I wish I could shield Brendan from all the hurt in the world but like almost everything else, pain is inevitable. On one hand I want him to suffer heart break because with it comes self growth and huge life lessons. However, it’s never easy watching your child ,or anyone that you love, suffer heartache.

Goodness, I am tired, it is after one in the morning. I never intended for this post to become this long; I guess I just had a lot to get out tonight. I’m super happy that spring break is now officially here, so I am looking forward to spending the next 5.5 days with Brendan! His dad and I split holidays, therefore Brendan will go back to his dad’s family next Wednesday evening. I know that these next few days with consist of LOTS of talk about Celina, but hey, at this point I am just very happy that Brendan feels comfortable enough to share all of this with me. I know that when I was twelve (or any age) I never opened up to my mom about much of anything, so this is a blessing.

and now it is time to hit my head on my pillows : )

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